Don’t mind me, I’m still in Rocket Arena, watching confetti fall from the ceiling while Vessel sings my favorite song off the newest Sleep Token album.
I’m not one for letting myself cry in public. It takes a lot to make me cry in front of others, like truly cry, not the few tears thing. I can do that. I can show I’m a human through that, but when it comes to the kind of crying that makes people ask if you’re okay, I stopper that up so fuckin’ fast.
I wish I had the words to explain how utterly overwhelmed I was when I got to hear Infinite Baths live. I sobbed. In full view of people I love dearly. One of them put her arm around me to comfort me, for which I’m grateful.
I can’t stop thinking about the way it felt to turn my head to the ceiling and watch the pink paper confetti fluttering down onto us as Vessel asked us to drift with him.
Surreal.
Ethereal.
Unearthly.
The way it lives in my whole body, the way it switches me to life to remember I got to experience my favorite band in an arena.
I’m not a risk taker. I’ll talk myself out of just about anything. And the idea of crowds in any number greater than five is abhorrent to me. So, getting tickets to not only a Sleep Token concert, but also the Louder Than Life festival the weekend before, it made me do a quick, “hey, who even are you?”
Turns out, I can be brave for Vessel. I can put aside my biggest anxieties just for the chance to exist in the same room as him, hearing him sing his music.
That’s such a powerful thing to give someone, you know? The confidence to be unafraid of what scares them. I didn’t need to see him (I did a few times, don’t worry, it wasn’t me just Gollum crouching saying “my precious” the whole time).
I got to hear him.
What a beautiful, beautiful thing to be part of, to keep in my heart for the rest of my life.
My favorite band for most of my life has been Hanson. Yes, the Mmmbop boys. They’ve never stopped making music and they constantly tour. They have a massive fanbase, made mostly of millennials, but they are beloved in their own right. I’ve been to a few of their concerts, and loved them. They know their fans and they know their crowd.
Last year, May 2024, I first heard Chokehold by Sleep Token and I kind of “oh, well, that’s different.” and I didn’t give it a second listen. Then I heard The Summoning on an instagram ad for a spicy book I didn’t read, and I looked it up properly on Spotify. There were several people who commented on videos saying, “I just don’t get Sleep Token. They’re not even that good. They’re not metal.” (Which is funny because the band has never said they were, and there’s just been this grumbling about them for whatever reason.) People were actively hating on the music because they didn’t “get it.”
I’ve listened to Sleep Token almost exclusively since that day.
When the new album was announced earlier this year, I kind of felt like a poser because I wasn’t really into the lore of who Sleep is or whatever, so when people were discussing the theories behind the released songs and what they meant, I just kind of “but they sound right.”
I think that’s where I’ve been so fascinated. The music is correct. It fits into the spaces of my brain that need filling, and I don’t need to change the metaphorical station to remain content.
I do have a superpower of being able to listen to a song on repeat for days on end, but I wasn’t doing it often. Usually just for writing sessions if I needed to keep a certain emotional mindset. When Even In Arcadia was released, I listened to it on repeat for months. Over and over and over until I felt like the very drumbeats were stamped on my bones. It’s a perfect album, in my opinion.
I wish I could tell Vessel thank you. I wish I could tell him that the way he hears the world is such a beautiful, heart-wrenching thing. He uses phrases like “buckling sutures” and words like “loamy” in his lyrics.
I got to see them in concert last night in Cleveland. I’m glad my friends took videos and photos because I just listened. I sank into the happiness that I rarely allow myself to feel and I heard Vessel sing. He’s incredible live. The whole band is. I got to hear my favorite songs (Vore, Infinite Baths) and I got to spend the night with some of my favorite people experiencing the wonder Vessel is.
Sleep Token fans get a lot of shit, and some of us deserve it because there are more than a few who don’t know how to behave around others. Some don’t know how to respect privacy. Some who don’t know how to just listen.
But there are those who are eager to fall into the sound, Vessel. I promise we hear it and we see it and we love it. We love you for who you are. The man behind the mask can stay unknown because the words you give us through Vessel are enough. You are enough.
One of the friends I was with last night took a video of me during the performance of Vore, my favorite song of the entire discography, and I wish I could show Vessel. I don’t consider myself beautiful, but the pure joy on my face gave me a moment of seeing it. That’s what Sleep Token does for me. It allows me to see myself the way others see me.
I’m not going to upload a video of pen scratching on paper, don’t worry. But what I am going to talk about today is some of the music I tend to listen to when I write. I was going to do a character playlist, but I think instead, I’m going to give a few theme songs and some of the main music I tend to gravitate toward when I work.
I think I should first say I listen to a variety of music, but mostly instrumental because if it’s words I know, I tend to find myself focusing on those instead. I’ll listen to classical, film soundtracks, alt-rock, sometimes Viking metal, and sometimes nothing. Since I do a majority of my writing at work on my lunch break, listening to music helps drown out the sounds of my coworkers so I can zero in my focus. Sometimes it depends on the mood I’m in when I search for something to listen to, and sometimes I’ll just keep listening to what I started the day with.
If I need to have something emotional going? Season 8 of Game of Thrones, the second half of that soundtrack takes me to feelings I can sink into and push into my writing. Specifically these two songs:
Ramin Djawadi has a profound gift for infusing emotion into his work and I try to emulate that in the words I put down on the page. It’s a way to remind myself not to make the words ordinary. That I want to tell the story, yes, but in such a way it sticks in the readers’ minds long after they’ve finished. I love dissonance in music. If it resolves, great, but if it doesn’t? I am tossed into a place of joy. This is a thing Djawadi uses well within his work too. How can I create written dissonance? Something that twinges the brain into wanting the safety of before, not the twisting discomfort of clashing feelings. How do I put it into words?
It’s not just the forlorn which inspires me, but also the music inspiring boldness, the sound that gets under your skin and makes you want to climb mountains and stare at the sky above the clouds. It carries you past the left for broken feeling the previous chapter left with you. There is hope in the ending going where you want it to. Songs like these:
(yes listening to this for this post made me tear up a bit because I lovethis so much)
The last few songs I’m going to give you today are theme songs for some of my characters. All three of them fit those people in particular, but the one I have for Naim, it hit me within the first few notes of the song who this was for. Right around 0:24 is where it starts truly sounding like Naim, and until 0:49 I had this clear image of him slow shuffle dancing along a riverside, cigarette in his mouth, dreadlocks secured loosely, his leather jacket open and his arms wide to the sky as he tilts his head back and grins at the sunset. And the rest of the song fits him too, but that short range hit me with such an intense image of someone I didn’t quite have a handle on before, and now he’s one of the more developed of the series. Here’s Naim’s theme song:
The next theme is Milton Fogg’s. I don’t want to go too far into why it’s his theme because I feel like that spoils more than I want to put on the internet, but again within the first few moments of the song, I saw Milton stepping into a building, his silver tipped walking stick tapping on the marble floor as peons scatter around to be ready for whatever he needs. He passes off his top hat to a quivering underdog, and he makes his way to the golden elevators where he spins on his heel and gives a infinitesimal smirk before the doors close. He’s a smug bastard, and he knows how to get what he wants. This is his theme:
The last song is a piece of music, and it happens to be one of my very favorites. It’s not got lyrics, and it’s more of a philosophical look at a theme song for a character. This is Frankie’s theme song:
This song is the end for Frankie. I don’t want to go too much deeper into it because that’s hella spoilers, but there is a very specific reason this song is the end song. It represents what could have been, what should have been, and what will never be. (I know, I grossed myself out a bit with that, too, but it’s the truth.)
And so, I leave you with the hope that your own writing is going well. That you don’t smudge your pages too much, that your computer battery life lasts long enough for you to finish your thought, and that the songs you use for inspiration give life to the words you choose.
Until next time, friends. (I’ll have finished the first book by next post)
Click-bait title aside, this week I feel like talking about something a bit different. I love music at the same level I love reading, and while I don’t have the time (and you probably don’t have the desire) to go into every single song or piece that’s influenced me, I’m going to give a small rundown of some of the music that’s made a difference in my life. These are in no particular order, and a link to the full album will be given at the end of the post if I can find a playlist on YouTube.
Phobia by Breaking Benjamin
This album was my main writing music back when I was first working on Fulcrum and for a while the song “Breath” was one of the main character’s theme, but that’s since changed to “King Rat” by Modest Mouse. One of the big reasons I love this album is how each song can be applied to some memory I have of a feeling during some of the harder parts of my life. My favorite song is a tie between “Had Enough,” “Dance with the Devil,” and “Unknown Soldier.”
This Time Around by Hanson
Of course, whenever I say I’m a fan of Hanson, everyone always goes, “ohhh, the Mmmbop boys!” And yes, them, but the rest of their music is ridiculously fantastic. They’ve never once broken up or taken a hiatus. They make music constantly and have one of the biggest fan bases ever. I’ve been to a few of their concerts and each were some good times. They know how to play to the crowd, and they are talented musicians as well as singers. I have Zac Hanson’s autograph on my wall, and it’s one of my prized possessions. I love this album because while Middle of Nowhere showcased their lyrical talent (shut up, listen to them and tell me those are solid lyrics), This Time Around is where they really start to get into the harmonies that don’t sound sort of tinny. They are all incredible singers, with Taylor and Zac usually taking the lead vocals. Zac’s my favorite. (Side note, there’s a video of me at a concert where Zac took his hair down and you can hear me in the background going, “oh my god, Zac took his hair down. Zac took his hair down!” I was not a teenager…)
Hail to the Thief by Radiohead
I don’t remember how long ago it was I first heard Radiohead, but this album was the beginning of my “I’ll binge an album for several days” obsession with music. It’s my favorite of the albums, and it has some really smooth sounds on it. When I get into music, I tend to listen to the sound first and then the lyrics, which is a big factor for one of the later collections on this list. I found myself drawn to the weird sound Radiohead produced. Thom Yorke has a distinctive voice, and their songs all tend to have a “well that’s different” quality to them. None of that is a bad thing to me. My favorite songs are “Sail to the Moon,” “There, There,” and “A Wolf at the Door.”
Radiohead is the first band I really listened to when I wanted to branch out of my standard, more conservative stuff. I say that, and the next album is definitely not conservative, but here it is.
Meteora by Linkin Park
I always feel cheap and cheesy when I get emotional over a celebrity’s passing, but with Chester, it was really hard. This album got me through some of my roughest times. I felt like someone understood what I was going through (and I know that sounds like all the angst ridden teenager stuff it is). When you’re in the thick of it, hearing someone say out loud in words you never could what your head is like 24/7 is pretty powerful. I feel like people shit on Linkin Park for the way their sound changed, but as someone who’s been a fan since their first album, personally I loved hearing their growth. Each album was something new, which is a rarity I feel these days because most of the music sounds the same. I know I sound like an old fuddy duddy, but there’s a reason why I have no idea who most of the major artists of the 2010s are. When I hear songs like “Breaking the Habit,” or “From the Inside,” or “Nobody’s Listening,” I get that feeling of safety I had when I listened to the album on my Walkman on the bus ride home, full volume so people knew I was that mysterious girl who had intense feelings (I’ve always been self aware, don’t worry). And then “Session” is just fantastic in its sound production.
Leaders of the Free World by Elbow
If you want to talk about hearing the sound and then feeling the lyrics later, this album 100% is that for me. All of the songs on this sound so good, and then you listen to the lyrics and suddenly you’re transported to feelings you weren’t sure you knew how to feel. I first heard of Elbow after coming across a playlist by an author (I won’t mention names, but if you were ever a teenage girl who thought you needed love from a sparkly vampire, you know where I’m coming from and we can all move on), and I decided the whole album sounded fairly decent. I listened to it for years before I paid attention to what they were singing, and while that may sound ridiculous, I still can’t hear the right words to Gwen Stefani’s “Hollaback Girl” (Few times I’ve been around that track so it’s after school to have a midnight snack). So yes, the lyrics are spectacular. My favorites are “Forget Myself,” “Everthere,” and “Great Expectations.”
Hilary Hahn Plays Bach by… Hilary Hahn
The amount of times I’ve listened to this album in particular is immeasurable. I am not a fan of Bach normally, but the way Ms. Hahn infuses emotion into her playing turns this otherwise dull (to me!) composer into someone worth listening to. I met her once, and cried in front of her because I can’t deal with social situations with goddesses, but she signed my copy of her CD and it’s now something I listen to most Saturdays when I need to feel at peace. I don’t have a favorite from this album because the whole thing is such a wonderful experience.
Ofnir by Heilung
Talk about out of left field, huh? This is a recent listen for me. The album itself has been around since 2015, but I didn’t hear it until earlier this year while I was stuck on Fulcrum. This is 100% a favorite because of the sounds. Heilung is described as “sounds from the northern European Iron Age and Viking period.” (from their bandcamp page) I don’t remember what song I heard first, but I ended up buying this and their other album Futha the next paycheck I got. Since then, I’ve listened to them both on repeat nonstop for most of my work days and it’s been motivating as well as centering. Such an odd feeling that chants and guttural droning can get me grounded. But I fully recommend them if you’d like something new.
These Four Walls by We Were Promised Jetpacks
Another one chosen for sound first, lyrics later, this band is raucous but stupidly pleasant. They have a lot of repetitious lines and that normally gets annoying to me, but they make it work. I don’t remember where I first heard them, but it was probably on a Pandora radio station back in the day. I have most of their discography, and they keep producing seriously good music. Their name is also one of the best band names out there. I’d say more, but really it deserves a listen. My favorite songs are “Conductor,” “Quiet Little Voices,” and “An Almighty Thud.” Go listen. You might like it.
Noah Gundersen
This is the part of the post where we dive into categories because I can’t just give one album. Starting this off is Noah Gundersen. I’d say I’m in love with him, but I’m not really. I just appreciate his work and his sound is what my head feels like most days. I love what he creates. I’ve been listening to him since some of his earlier albums like Ledges and Family, but he has a whole wealth of fantastic music to listen to. His very early work is more of a folk/indie sound, and his later sound is heavier with more drum and electric sounds. The evolution of his style has been delightful to witness. He works very hard to promote local music and he’s very much a socially conscious artist, part of why I appreciate what he does. He is humble, and he is so appreciative of his fans. I went to a concert of his for the first time a few years ago and it was on the same emotional level as the day my niece was born. I am still speechless to this day about it and it was in 2019. He hugged me after I gushed about how much I loved his work and also babbled about the book I was reading (because I am incapable of being normal), and then during the concert I forgot how to breathe a few times because he is just incredible. Some of my favorite songs of his are “The Sound,” “Little Cup,” “The Ocean,” “The Difference,” “Time Moves Quickly,” “The First Defeat,” and the last one I’ll give for now is “Oh, Death.”
And this brings us to the final category: Classical. This is already a super long post so I’ll try to keep this part short, but bear with me. I grew up getting the best of both music worlds because my dad was more into the rock ‘n roll and my mom was more classically inclined. I got stuff like the Beatles, the Who, Fleetwood Mac, Steely Dan, all the classic rock from my dad. And from my mom I got Chopin, Tchaikovsky, Debussy, and so on. I wasn’t too big on the earlier eras, like baroque, but once the Romantic composers kicked in, well. There is something indescribable about the way it feels to hear swells of an orchestra during an emotional moment in a piece. Cello solos where you feel like you’re being swept into a river of sound, violin piercing the parts of you that don’t want to remember things, but now you must. It’s enough to make me feel ridiculous, clearly. My first love is the piano, and one of my goals this year is to be better about practicing. It’s hard to focus, but habits can change. So for this category, I’m leaving a YouTube playlist of my favorites. Notable mentions: Elgar’s Nimrod variation, Liszt’s Un Sospiro, and La Campanella, Stravinsky’s Rite of Spring (Movements 1-3 in particular, also the Nutcracker by Tchaikovsky but that’s not on the playlist), Debussy’s Clair de Lune (absolutely a classic), and a few others.
If you’ve made it this far, thank you so much for spending this time with me today. I hope you’ve been able to relax and that maybe you’ve found some new music to listen to. Below are YouTube links to the albums above, and a playlist of my favorite classical pieces (links open in a new tab). Until next time, friends!
salisbury.fake 