Top Ten Albums That Made Me Who I Am

Click-bait title aside, this week I feel like talking about something a bit different. I love music at the same level I love reading, and while I don’t have the time (and you probably don’t have the desire) to go into every single song or piece that’s influenced me, I’m going to give a small rundown of some of the music that’s made a difference in my life. These are in no particular order, and a link to the full album will be given at the end of the post if I can find a playlist on YouTube.

CD Covers | CD Releases | Music Albums | Album Covers: Breaking Benjamin -  Phobia Album

Phobia by Breaking Benjamin

This album was my main writing music back when I was first working on Fulcrum and for a while the song “Breath” was one of the main character’s theme, but that’s since changed to “King Rat” by Modest Mouse. One of the big reasons I love this album is how each song can be applied to some memory I have of a feeling during some of the harder parts of my life. My favorite song is a tie between “Had Enough,” “Dance with the Devil,” and “Unknown Soldier.”

This Time Around (Hanson album) - Wikipedia

This Time Around by Hanson

Of course, whenever I say I’m a fan of Hanson, everyone always goes, “ohhh, the Mmmbop boys!” And yes, them, but the rest of their music is ridiculously fantastic. They’ve never once broken up or taken a hiatus. They make music constantly and have one of the biggest fan bases ever. I’ve been to a few of their concerts and each were some good times. They know how to play to the crowd, and they are talented musicians as well as singers. I have Zac Hanson’s autograph on my wall, and it’s one of my prized possessions. I love this album because while Middle of Nowhere showcased their lyrical talent (shut up, listen to them and tell me those are solid lyrics), This Time Around is where they really start to get into the harmonies that don’t sound sort of tinny. They are all incredible singers, with Taylor and Zac usually taking the lead vocals. Zac’s my favorite. (Side note, there’s a video of me at a concert where Zac took his hair down and you can hear me in the background going, “oh my god, Zac took his hair down. Zac took his hair down!” I was not a teenager…)

Hail to the Thief - Wikipedia

Hail to the Thief by Radiohead

I don’t remember how long ago it was I first heard Radiohead, but this album was the beginning of my “I’ll binge an album for several days” obsession with music. It’s my favorite of the albums, and it has some really smooth sounds on it. When I get into music, I tend to listen to the sound first and then the lyrics, which is a big factor for one of the later collections on this list. I found myself drawn to the weird sound Radiohead produced. Thom Yorke has a distinctive voice, and their songs all tend to have a “well that’s different” quality to them. None of that is a bad thing to me. My favorite songs are “Sail to the Moon,” “There, There,” and “A Wolf at the Door.”

Radiohead is the first band I really listened to when I wanted to branch out of my standard, more conservative stuff. I say that, and the next album is definitely not conservative, but here it is.

Meteora (album) - Wikipedia

Meteora by Linkin Park

I always feel cheap and cheesy when I get emotional over a celebrity’s passing, but with Chester, it was really hard. This album got me through some of my roughest times. I felt like someone understood what I was going through (and I know that sounds like all the angst ridden teenager stuff it is). When you’re in the thick of it, hearing someone say out loud in words you never could what your head is like 24/7 is pretty powerful. I feel like people shit on Linkin Park for the way their sound changed, but as someone who’s been a fan since their first album, personally I loved hearing their growth. Each album was something new, which is a rarity I feel these days because most of the music sounds the same. I know I sound like an old fuddy duddy, but there’s a reason why I have no idea who most of the major artists of the 2010s are. When I hear songs like “Breaking the Habit,” or “From the Inside,” or “Nobody’s Listening,” I get that feeling of safety I had when I listened to the album on my Walkman on the bus ride home, full volume so people knew I was that mysterious girl who had intense feelings (I’ve always been self aware, don’t worry). And then “Session” is just fantastic in its sound production.

Elbow - Leaders Of The Free World - Amazon.com Music

Leaders of the Free World by Elbow

If you want to talk about hearing the sound and then feeling the lyrics later, this album 100% is that for me. All of the songs on this sound so good, and then you listen to the lyrics and suddenly you’re transported to feelings you weren’t sure you knew how to feel. I first heard of Elbow after coming across a playlist by an author (I won’t mention names, but if you were ever a teenage girl who thought you needed love from a sparkly vampire, you know where I’m coming from and we can all move on), and I decided the whole album sounded fairly decent. I listened to it for years before I paid attention to what they were singing, and while that may sound ridiculous, I still can’t hear the right words to Gwen Stefani’s “Hollaback Girl” (Few times I’ve been around that track so it’s after school to have a midnight snack). So yes, the lyrics are spectacular. My favorites are “Forget Myself,” “Everthere,” and “Great Expectations.”

Hahn, Hilary - Bach Partitas And Sonata - Amazon.com Music

Hilary Hahn Plays Bach by… Hilary Hahn

The amount of times I’ve listened to this album in particular is immeasurable. I am not a fan of Bach normally, but the way Ms. Hahn infuses emotion into her playing turns this otherwise dull (to me!) composer into someone worth listening to. I met her once, and cried in front of her because I can’t deal with social situations with goddesses, but she signed my copy of her CD and it’s now something I listen to most Saturdays when I need to feel at peace. I don’t have a favorite from this album because the whole thing is such a wonderful experience.

Heilung - Ofnir | Main Street Vinyl

Ofnir by Heilung

Talk about out of left field, huh? This is a recent listen for me. The album itself has been around since 2015, but I didn’t hear it until earlier this year while I was stuck on Fulcrum. This is 100% a favorite because of the sounds. Heilung is described as “sounds from the northern European Iron Age and Viking period.” (from their bandcamp page) I don’t remember what song I heard first, but I ended up buying this and their other album Futha the next paycheck I got. Since then, I’ve listened to them both on repeat nonstop for most of my work days and it’s been motivating as well as centering. Such an odd feeling that chants and guttural droning can get me grounded. But I fully recommend them if you’d like something new.

These Four Walls (We Were Promised Jetpacks album) - Wikipedia

These Four Walls by We Were Promised Jetpacks

Another one chosen for sound first, lyrics later, this band is raucous but stupidly pleasant. They have a lot of repetitious lines and that normally gets annoying to me, but they make it work. I don’t remember where I first heard them, but it was probably on a Pandora radio station back in the day. I have most of their discography, and they keep producing seriously good music. Their name is also one of the best band names out there. I’d say more, but really it deserves a listen. My favorite songs are “Conductor,” “Quiet Little Voices,” and “An Almighty Thud.” Go listen. You might like it.

With 'Lover,' Noah Gundersen Mines Pop Confessionalism - No Depression

Noah Gundersen

This is the part of the post where we dive into categories because I can’t just give one album. Starting this off is Noah Gundersen. I’d say I’m in love with him, but I’m not really. I just appreciate his work and his sound is what my head feels like most days. I love what he creates. I’ve been listening to him since some of his earlier albums like Ledges and Family, but he has a whole wealth of fantastic music to listen to. His very early work is more of a folk/indie sound, and his later sound is heavier with more drum and electric sounds. The evolution of his style has been delightful to witness. He works very hard to promote local music and he’s very much a socially conscious artist, part of why I appreciate what he does. He is humble, and he is so appreciative of his fans. I went to a concert of his for the first time a few years ago and it was on the same emotional level as the day my niece was born. I am still speechless to this day about it and it was in 2019. He hugged me after I gushed about how much I loved his work and also babbled about the book I was reading (because I am incapable of being normal), and then during the concert I forgot how to breathe a few times because he is just incredible. Some of my favorite songs of his are “The Sound,” “Little Cup,” “The Ocean,” “The Difference,” “Time Moves Quickly,” “The First Defeat,” and the last one I’ll give for now is “Oh, Death.”

And this brings us to the final category: Classical. This is already a super long post so I’ll try to keep this part short, but bear with me. I grew up getting the best of both music worlds because my dad was more into the rock ‘n roll and my mom was more classically inclined. I got stuff like the Beatles, the Who, Fleetwood Mac, Steely Dan, all the classic rock from my dad. And from my mom I got Chopin, Tchaikovsky, Debussy, and so on. I wasn’t too big on the earlier eras, like baroque, but once the Romantic composers kicked in, well. There is something indescribable about the way it feels to hear swells of an orchestra during an emotional moment in a piece. Cello solos where you feel like you’re being swept into a river of sound, violin piercing the parts of you that don’t want to remember things, but now you must. It’s enough to make me feel ridiculous, clearly. My first love is the piano, and one of my goals this year is to be better about practicing. It’s hard to focus, but habits can change. So for this category, I’m leaving a YouTube playlist of my favorites. Notable mentions: Elgar’s Nimrod variation, Liszt’s Un Sospiro, and La Campanella, Stravinsky’s Rite of Spring (Movements 1-3 in particular, also the Nutcracker by Tchaikovsky but that’s not on the playlist), Debussy’s Clair de Lune (absolutely a classic), and a few others.

If you’ve made it this far, thank you so much for spending this time with me today. I hope you’ve been able to relax and that maybe you’ve found some new music to listen to. Below are YouTube links to the albums above, and a playlist of my favorite classical pieces (links open in a new tab). Until next time, friends!

Phobia
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4E3XQtuERPo&list=PLbU52JHOaPGER5SURi8TjURs9Dv4ozGvF

This Time Around
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s5K80eKfQDA&list=OLAK5uy_lgTF-ksm4a1_SswR5Rb53hZFqV4JAjgro

Hail to the Thief
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2w6kHS_IRrE&list=PLxzSZG7g8c8yuM9HbrfSXEw0dF8zw5V35

Meteora
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U6R-twDkrcI&list=PLlqZM4covn1EbvC_6cuERQ59QaMbPkUyE

Leaders of the Free World
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TVxe877Mc3c&list=PLE955116DFDF76C90

Hilary Hahn Plays Bach
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uju–tMDar8&list=OLAK5uy_klGDnlEcgKfuGAB0ALNSjlD-EKKN01Sb4

Ofnir
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b2vRLP7lfMg&list=PLgtvGkabBTgi1Zb6zKgznFiWj1ZuWj3Yp

These Four Walls
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e6shmJaOD3Q&list=PL3H_3t1-rZ3Mq54mTfcUXGzfZzqeH01th

Noah Gundersen

The Difference: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4V9w0pAvick
The Sound: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1D0qjyf2HSk
Oh, Death: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fVvj5ZQmj_I

Classical Playlist (a lot of these videos are by a pianist called Rousseau. I’m a fan)
https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLk3z1Yr55n7nL4xgOyH1mvE39tQxJ1Hn2

Sunshine and Reminiscing

lemon poppy seed pancakes because spring and sunshine and lemons!

You know what’s really wild to me? Ten years ago, I never would have been able to understand my life as it is now. I graduated college (in December, but still). I also hit the lowest point I’d ever been in my life ten years ago, and events unfolded that will impact me forever.

I don’t really have much to say today other than it’s been almost a year since I signed my mortgage papers and I have no idea how to tell you how blown my mind is by that. Moral of the story, I guess, don’t give up on yourself when times are really rough. It’ll come together someday. It might take ten years. It might take twenty or more. But you owe it to yourself to find out.

Until next time, friends: you are everything you need for your own happiness.

Sunday Chat #2

I was going to do another How I Write today, but I’m not feeling it. I’m not sure what I’m feeling, to be honest. I wasn’t going to post today, but my goal this year is to post every week, and with the exception of maybe one week, I’ve done that. So today might just be a quick blarp into the universe about how it’s all right to have off days or something.

I try to put positivity into the world because there’s just so much negative nonsense going on, but it’s exhausting at times to be the bubble. I feel like that sounds a bit boo hoo Belinda, but really. I’m not always excited about life. There are more than doldrums that bog my joy down, and while I don’t always feel like talking about it, I think it’s important not to stifle those moments when they come. I tell people to let themselves feel what they feel, and yet when it comes to myself I tend to be really harsh and deny myself the advice I give others. I know this is not new to the world. This behavior is not unique to me.

But there’s a loneliness in it. There’s an emptiness that threatens to turn bitter like the aftertaste of an artificial sweetener. What you think is familiar is actually damaging more than you let yourself think. Wallowing is different than steeping, and I feel as long as I’m wallowing, I’ll be salvageable.

I’m going to go get some work done around the house, and I’m going to remember it’s okay to feel like an oversteamed potato every once in a while. The key to it is to remember to come back. Not to let it take root in your mind and become a gnarled mess you have to untangle later, when it’s worse.

With that said, here’s a photo of some fake flowers I bought myself yesterday because I had rewards points and I wanted to get myself something pretty.

Until next time, friends

Arc of a Scythe by Neal Shusterman

Y’all. When I sat myself down to write a blog post for this week, I was not expecting to do another book review so soon, but I need to be an absolute mess about this series. I love Neal Shusterman. 10000000% his storytelling is one of my favorites out there, and this series, hoo buddy. I haven’t enjoyed a series so much since Lord of the Rings (to be fair to the other series out there, I only read it in its entirety probably three or four years ago, so in reality, I’ve read quite a few other series before Lord of the Rings). Anyone who knows me knows that is a ridiculous amount of love, and I to this day annoy my brother with Boromir dying memes. Never forget the ones you love.

Anyway. Yes. The Arc of a Scythe Series. I was recommended this by someone who’s reading opinions I trust, and she did not let me down in the slightest. I want to go on such a ramble about this set of books, but I won’t because I don’t want to spoil it for those who want to read it. As far as modern fiction goes, I am not well informed. I have my collection of books to read and I don’t really deviate much from them. I’ll add classics and sometimes WWII non-fiction and fiction to my shelves, but very rarely do I branch out and get taken in by more recent leaps into the world of reading. I see all kinds of fervor over the Court of Rose and Something Something series on Instagram, but that’s not my cup of coffeecake. I like action driven, over the top dramatic sometimes, and at the end a very emotionally draining book.

This series has everything in it I love about reading. I read the first one, Scythe, back in January and I had to wait until I had my tax refund to get the second and third one. I read them both over the last three days. They’re not small books. They’re hefty enough that they’d hurt if you had one thrown at you. I regret nothing because I haven’t been so happy with a book in so long and I tell you what I need to ramble.

I went into this thinking I knew what was coming and I am very, very happy to say I was incorrect. What I expected happened in maybe two places, but everywhere else, I was not prepared. The level of intrigue, the level of depravity, it is so far beyond a standard YA fiction to me. And maybe I’m not as up on YA fiction as I could be, but one of the things I was concerned about (and my brother said this, too) was how young the protagonists are. The first book centers around Citra and Roman, two teenagers plucked from their lives to begin training with the ever mysterious group of people called Scythes. See, in this future world, no one dies. The omnipresent being called the Thunderhead has eradicated disease and misery in most forms. People are ageless, and so in order to maintain some semblance of balance (or population control as it’s referred to a few times), the Scythes were created. They are the ones who choose who dies, and they’re beholden to their own set of laws or commandments. The Thunderhead controls the general population, but it cannot have any bearing whatsoever on the world of Scythes. They govern themselves. People are either fearful or indifferent to the Scythes. Most go about their lives not really caring about death until they see a Scythe, and then it all gets real. To be selected for an apprenticeship is no light thing. Once one is chosen to become a harbinger of death, normal life is upended. Family no longer knows how to treat you. People bend over backwards to accommodate a Scythe, often giving them free access to things since they don’t make any money doing what they do. And while people die frequently (there are people who die for fun just to be revived at a revival center. The morbidity of this whole idea of death is so deep it’s mind blowing), no one stays dead. Unless a Scythe gleans a person selected for death, that person is dead. They can’t be taken to a revival center and be brought back from “deadish.” I’d go into more detail, but I really want people to read these books, so I’m going to leave it there.

The first book sets the scene so dang perfectly for the following books. While the two main protagonists are indeed teenagers, they are not left to fend for themselves, and often are in the presence of their mentors, or other fully instated Scythes. Of course, there are a few “save the world” challenges they face, but in the end, the teens work with the adults to accomplish what they must. They’re less burdened with the pressure and it’s kind of spread across the few good people remaining. There’s the standard bad guy who corrupts the meaning of good to fit his narrative, there are religious zealots who cause unmentionable suffering. There’s moments of levity and love. It’s intense in its drive to find the truth in all things, and when the secrets are finally revealed, I admit I held the book high as I screamed in delight.

I will probably read this again at some point, because it’s that good to me, but I will lament I can’t read it for the first time again. It’s a series I will recommend highly to anyone who enjoys reading.

I give all three of these books, individually and together, a 10/10. I’d go higher if I could.

*******I read the 2017, 2019, and 2020 Simon and Schuster Paperback editions*******