I had goals this week of starting another series of posts discussing literary theory, but it’s too early in the day to go full brain on myself. Then I thought I’d do a post about Henry, someone near and dear to my heart, but the post I outlined ended up feeling too personal to put on here (listen, I know I wrote about my biggest fear, but Henry is a different level of personal). So, now I’m eating my breakfast of cold banana pancakes (I don’t have a toaster or a microwave and I’m not feelin’ the need to wash too many dishes today) and enjoying the sunshine coming through my office window.
It’s cold as balls in my house this morning, and the cold pancakes aren’t helping me, but I’m at peace today. I go back to the office tomorrow for work, and while I’m not looking forward to the health hazard, I’m looking forward to seeing the people I’ve missed. We’re already getting emails of “the new normal” and the phrase is exhausting in the sense I don’t want to face yet another new normal. Life is full enough of them. But that’s pessimistic, so I’ll steer myself back to the positive thoughts of seeing some of my favorite people.
I’m looking forward to springtime. The weather app says it’s supposed to be in the 60s this week, and I’m ready to ride with my window down. Feel the bypass wind in my hair as I drive too fast because I forgot I’m at the office now and left my house late. I’m looking forward to starting a garden this spring, and getting my backyard set up for friend times in the summer. I’m going to get my firepit settled, and I’m going to build a second patio (sort of) reusing some stones from the yard. It’s going to be a good season for me and hopefully for you.
I’m going to walk more with one of my best friends after work in the outlet mall parking lot. I’m going to keep eating better and keep losing weight (I’ve lost twenty pounds since I gave up Taco Bell back in December). I’m going to maintain as positive a vibe as I can because the world is full of people having tragedy after tragedy and if I can be a bit of brightness for someone, I’d love to do that.
If you are struggling to feel something other than useless, I want to remind you that you are quite useful, in fact. You have a wealth of knowledge, and you have a lot to offer the world, and plot twist: it has a lot to offer you. It might seem bleak, but the sun’s coming up earlier now, which means you have plenty of time to work for yourself. Hang in there, if it’s getting a bit tough. The good times are coming. I believe it. If you are feeling less than lovely to yourself, that’s okay. Sometimes the clouds get in the way, but the sun is always waiting for you on the other side.
And on that note, I’m going to make some tea and get to work on some writing before I have lunch with my mom. Until next time, friends, remember: you are and always will be enough.
salisbury.fake 